For the first time in a really long time, I’m finding beauty in being on my own. In taking care of myself for once. In waking up every day trying to do something solely for the sake of my happiness. Trying to do something that will bring me closer to my dreams.
For the first time in a really long time, I truly want to be on my own. It’s not a show. It’s not an act to sugarcoat ‘loneliness.’ It’s never been as real as it is now. For the first time in a really long time, I am admitting that I may be emotionally unavailable, that I still need time to heal.
For the first time in a really long time, I’m not looking for healing in others. I’m not seeking validation to feel better about my own wrongdoings or shortcomings. For the first time in a really long time, I’m truly learning what it means to forgive myself, to stop beating myself up for every little mistake. I’m truly learning what it means to have the courage to redeem myself and admit that some things were all my fault and it’s never too late to try and rectify them.
And that’s okay, it’s okay to look inside for all the answers. It’s okay to start over and admit that for the longest time you haven’t been doing things right or you weren’t in the right state of mind. As long as you’re determined to be the best version of yourself. As long as you’re ready to walk away from certain people and situations that aren’t going to help you rise above your challenges.
For the first time in a really long time, I’m not afraid of change. I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to the things I’ll find out along the way, the people I’ll meet, the secrets I’ll unravel, the people I’ll love, the people I’ll forgive, the people I’ll say goodbye to. I’m looking forward to changing myself again, I’ve done it before so many times only because I had to, only because I had no other choice but for the first time in a really long time, I’m changing because I want to. I want to change so many things, I want to become so many things and I think I finally figured out where to start…..and for now, it’s my journey. Mine alone. For now, it’s a solo ride.
