I never ever be someone’s first choice, an option it is. I hit the ground a thousand times before, I used to beg and questioned the love they gave me, no I no longer care whether they love me or love me not. It’s not their job to fulfill my empty heart, but what I dislike is the promised they made and then left me behind. The young me used to think that if I loved someone as harder as I could they would stay, but I was wrong and now the new me is in a stage where I could love someone enough, live in peace and it feels like dreaming.
Love should be free, warm and safe like home, not feeling unwanted, haunted or scared to show the naked soul. About letting go, I used to ask so many explanations: why, how, whatever that could make me feel less about myself like I wasn’t enough. now, I choose to let go in silence, no sound, just slowly fade as my existence doesn’t mean a thing. Perhaps, it’s what people always called “not meant to be” and I lost in those 4 words because still, I don’t know how it really works.